How Judgemental Happens
The world is indeed complicated because of human relations. Communication is vital but it's hard to obtain equal understandings.
I thought I could handle such pressure on my own. I realized, I was too vulnerable. I could not defend or protect myself which makes me fall under the ones who lose out due to being incapable for dealing with diverse human relations.
Those who talks bluntly, those who plays the two face role so well that I would never imagine that I am being manipulated by it - which is what I hate and feel disappointed about.
I used to live in my own world - all princessy, works hard but assumes effort is considered to be the same as those who succeed easily, and always able to make myself happy easily. Right now, I began to hate why am I growing up so fast, because I used to be a happy go lucky girl, friendly to everyone , softhearted to everyone which in turn exchanged back gullibility and shallow-minded.
Of course I hate to remain as that.I work hard to be smart and not being a smart alec but I still find myself being bullied indirectly which makes me a bitter person. I could no longer view people the same before or the world. I can't differentiate between sarcasm and niceness sometimes which drives me crazy guessing it until I begin to converse little and observe more instead.
Part of my intention to go to university is to make new friends. I made, but I'm sad to foresee some of them will not be friends but school mates instead. While those that I foresee we will become good friends are hard to meet and talk to.
Feels like it's a joke to me..
I really wish to make friends easily and without the stressful feeling of getting judged or be in the behaviour to judge. Actually judging should not happen socially but in professions: A judge.
Criticism is not my cup of coffee either. I just want to be nice to everybody and not be taken advantage of, vice versa. Why can't everybody be nice to everyone?
Ok, done ranting. Nights.