Paper Life

Hello, I am back to updating my blog and this time it is about my #thoughts on #life.
Just to let you guys know first that this post is going to be a very depressing post because of the topic I am going to share about so you can kindly skip this post and read the other posts if you do not want to read it but please do not exit this space instantly! Those who will be reading, I hope you enjoy what I have shared :) And no, I am not talking about Paper Town movie concept and whatsoever!

I learnt that one of my uncles had been diagnosed with cancer a few days after I came back from my trip. Although I am not close with this uncle of mine due to his frequent absenteeism from our family gatherings, I still feel obliged to sympathize my aunt's family.

To be honest, there is nothing much I can do as I do not know a lot about cancer. Fortunately, my mum has a history of cancer before so she was able to advise them: not 100% workable as he is on his 4th stage with a 3-4 months of life left.

My uncle did not get his cough treated fully. His chest was hurting so he ate herbs that was brewed by my big aunt and when the pain stopped, he stopped eating it and continued living his life like how he had been doing for the past years. To be honest, I would not know either if there is something wrong with me, I will also stop medication once I am cured. He cannot be blamed on that. He can only be blamed for not quitting his sticks and not visiting the doctor when one of the physicians told him that something was wrong. 

News of life and death should never be a shocking thing as it is part and parcel of life.

Everybody is going to die one day, it is just a matter of how and when.

In the recent months since the end of 2015 until today, I have been hearing such bad news; someone committed suicide, grandma got a stroke, greatgrandma just passed away... There was a period of time where my parents had attended 3 wakes in a week and they were exhausted. I should really count my blessings because it is not happening directly on me (of course, I do not want to experience it at all!!!). It got me thinking, a living thing's life is reeeeeally fragile. 

The behavior of how a human react immediately when he/she realized that they are ill/down is a little perplexing. He/she goes all out and ignores the some things in life but once they are down with an illness, they then willingly turn to those things and hundred percent willingly indulge in them. Simply put, vegetables are good for health, everyone knows but not everyone eats them. Once one has difficulty in defecation, they will be more than willing to eat it in three meals. Then the question comes out, why did you not eat them when you know they are good? You get what I mean, right?

I was told that I do not know how to take care of myself. They were right. I do know that I need to take care of myself but I do not know how. It was proven that youth was everything I have got when I was young. I used to be able to recover quickly from a flu but right now, it can take up to a month or two. I used to love late night activities and late hangouts but right now, I just feel that I should be home before 10pm. 

To this point, I do not know if living by the tagline "You Only Live Once" is right or not. There are so many things I have yet to try and they are like teasing & beckoning me to do it. It is like choosing whether to live life with regrets or not. I mean, I do make healthier choices too (stated in my New Year resolution) but I still hear people having terminal illness/diseases even though they live healthy. It makes you feel that it is pointless to pursue a healthy lifestyle. And before you even live healthily for a few more days, BAM, back to square one.

I cannot deny that I do not live like how every other normal human being live or rather, survive. All of us fight to survive, in other words - we compete; with results, with performance, with jobs, with beauty, with money, with whatever that is/are comparable. Mum told me that her cancer was the result of accumulated stress & exhuastion and that I must (MUST AH) take things one step at a time. She knew that it will be difficult to take things at a stride but she still urges. I do appreciate her unconditional reminder (everyday), thank you & thankful.

When I was young, I used to think about how death would be like. I never viewed death to be so horrible and pain. I thought people just die in their sleep and move on to the other side of the world. I thought people die due to old age. I even told myself that I when I die, I want to die in my sleep (and as if I can choose how I die). MOVING ON.

At the end of the day, there will be symptoms of life taking a toll on yourself. This is when it is already hinting you, your 50/50 chance to turn it around, your SOS, your whatever that saves you from the gates of hell.. Or heaven.. People choose to ignore and thought it will go away the next day. Actually, it only stop and NOT disappear (people have to really understand the meaning of it).
There isn't truly a best way to live life without complications but I think the best way to live life is to live it to the fullest.. Um.. Well.. Of course, keeping in mind to choose your choices wisely. Health is wealth. 

Sighs, constrains again...

Life is a bitch, isn't it? Haha.

xoxo,

Jayanne